Under Pressure

I started this blog nearly a year ago after returning from a life-changing trip to Maui with my husband. We came back from that trip with big plans to pack up our life and move there. We have friends there, we love it there, and we wanted to be there. Immediately.

But after some time and thought, we had to take a few steps back. Moving across the country, then halfway across an ocean is not any easy task. Doable, but not easy. And right now, especially in more recent months, we need easy. The pressure is mounting. Life is happening and it’s real. And a lot.

When I first started this blog, I had big dreams for it. It would be a place for people to come and be inspired by this huge adventure we wanted to embark upon. I wanted to share the trials and tribulations and freedom moving to a beautiful tropical island would bring. Once we decided to put that adventure on hold, I decided to change the direction of the blog and focus more on my day-to-day life here in North Carolina. What I’ve found though is I am putting a lot of pressure on myself for this blog to be perfect. To offer you a perfectly curated sample of musings about my life. I would find myself wanting to write about something and then rethink it because maybe I’m sharing too much or maybe it wouldn’t be interesting to read. I am realizing that if I am going to enjoy this process at all, it needs to be a collection of musings about whatever seems to make sense at the time. After all, this is my blog. It’s my place to share what I want to share. Almost like a journal or a diary.

Lately I have had this overwhelming desire to share my life and experiences with others, because if I’ve learned anything over the past few years of working through all of the things that have led me to who I am, hearing other people’s stories is incredibly helpful. I started talk therapy in the late spring of 2020 when I started to really struggle with my mental health (weren’t we all?) and through multiple arguments with my husband followed by calm discussions, we both realized that I was putting a lot of my happiness (or lack thereof) on him and others. I had become dependent on outward sources to bring me happiness because I had never allowed myself to recognize and come to terms with the trauma I experienced as a child and the trauma I am still experiencing into adulthood. What I’ve learned over the past few years is we all have experienced trauma in one way or another. Recognizing that and coming to terms with it, saying it out loud, and working through it is the only way to heal.

So, here I am. Sharing my experiences with you. I envision some posts will take place in present day and perhaps you can connect with a current struggle I am experiencing. Some posts I may take you back to the past and my hope is you can see that we all have shit. And we’re all here to work through it and hopefully find the joy that life has to offer. I may not always make perfect sense - am I right now? Who knows. But you can expect honesty and openness.

Thanks for being here. Talk to you soon.